Autonomy: The freedom of one’s will or actions.
Some people say free will is the greatest gift God gave man. I tend to disagree, as I think the ability to walk upright is pretty great, as well as showers… which came later but lost nothing in the delay. This gift of free will, the ability to make our own decisions, to create our destinies, or at least to choose the path we walk upon, is at best a challenge. And I feel that is being liberal. I don’t believe in predetermined destiny, I don’t think “everything happens for a reason” is ever a sufficient platitude for a person in pain, and I don’t agree that God has a plan for me. I think God knows what He wants me to do, where He would like me to be, and generally winces every time I stumble, fall, or just plain walk into walls. I think God is the best and worst example of someone being a victim of their own optimism, He not only thinks we are capable of more, He sees us there, and laments our inability to make more of ourselves. But that is our job, not His.
Someone asked me last night if I felt things happened TO me. I thought about it for a moment before I answered (I knew he was testing me… but honesty is always the best policy) no, not at all. I would love to believe with all my heart that things happen to me, that I am a victim of circumstance or am the unfortunate possessor of bad luck but in reality I make the decisions that lead to the regrettable circumstances, the bad events, the disappointments that make up the reality of our pasts. But that is not the case. Who chose to enter into the bad relationship? Who chose to stay? Did someone else make me sign the mortgage, or get married two weeks after I graduated college? Was I forced to put myself in situations I never should have been in so I could blame that person later for the outcomes? No, there was no hand but my own. There was no voice but the internal one we tend to ignore for the immediate pleasures but realize later “yeah I knew what I was talking about. Go figure.” Most of the time I would not go back and change it as the eventual outcome is not so bad after all. I guess there might be some things I would avoid altogether, but that is another post for another day. On the whole I feel I have done well in my poorly guided decision making process, I love my life, my son, my friends, my house, my job, all the things that make up our everyday lives. I miss some things, and I miss some things more than others. But there is very little I actually regret and for that I am thankful. Perhaps that is the greatest gift we can receive. The ability to scan back over the past, lament our mistakes but be thankful that they provided the foot bed to get us where we are. It may not be what you envisioned, dreamed of, or ever asked for in the moment of prayer when you are so broken there is nothing to do but call out for guidance, but really… it’s not such a bad place to be after all.
I think the ability to see where we have been, recognize the seeming mistakes we have made in the past, accept those mistakes, and even more, to chose to learn from them so that we can have a peaceful present, is a wonderful thing. But to stop there is to look at a snap shot of a person, and say "that's who they are". I ask you, is it? Of course not.
ReplyDeleteI would go a step further and say that we could look at a movie of their entire life up until this moment, that is not an accurate description of their life either; not unless their life stopped at that point. This is because there is another dimension that is not being considered; the future. What will this person become as a result of what they perceive the past has made of them? Or what if they decided that it was not the past at all that was responsible for who they have become? What if instead that person was willing to accept that all the perceived pain was just conditioning as preparation for a higher good. Would that make a difference? Ask any Olympic athlete if they have ever fallen or gotten injured. You already know the answer. But did there healing of such an injury only serve to create a more acceptable present? Of curse not. It served a much greater good, and a much more fulfilling experience than they ever believed was even possible, even if they imagined a grand experience. Don't believe me, You Tube gold metal winner interviews. Regardless of how grand the imagining, the life experience is always greater.
So what's the point? The point is to understand and except that today and everyday is just a step that is leading you towards and beyond your dreams and goals, and to not merely be accepting of your present, but rejoice in it, because it is completely necessary for creating the kind of person who is worthy of the fulfilment of these things.
It is an easy habit to try and make sense of things. The problem is we do not have all the evidence to make an accurate judgment. We don't have the future outcomes, serendipitous events, and divine interventions that will take place in our future to create the whole picture. So in truth we are only wasting out time.
Instead, we should walk in faith and realize there were NO mistakes at all. Only preparation for the ultimate masterpiece that is to become our life.
Somewhere the is a mirror walking around waiting to show you your true worth, and importance. But until then, know that you are being molded for greatness, because you are.
(note)
If I rambled here, its not my fault. I wrote this entirely on my phone and really couldn't proof, edit, or even know what I was saying half the time. Probably me just being imperfect.
Have a blessed day.