As a person our grasp of ourselves as an individual is tenuous at best. As a woman our interpretation of our beauty is even more fragile. We are all beautiful creatures, strong and loving and kind. We might hide behind walls because we have been hurt, or give ourselves too freely in a desperate search for affirmation. We might frighten people off because we are too controlling or demanding, or cause them to lose interest through our passivity. We might be thought of as clingy or desperate, which to us is a simple expression of our need to please our mate, even our friends, really anyone around us. We all long to be thought of as beautiful, but even more so we long to be liked. To be surrounded on a daily basis with attention and affection that asks nothing from the giver or the receiver, it just is. We were created to be a companion, and in our wait for the right man, we fill that need with many different things (not all of them good); food, friends, television, etc. In knowing this there is something very simple and very powerful we can do every day to help others in their walk: Just be pleasant, nice, interesting and accommodating.
Once, about a year ago, I was in the Dollar Store picking up a few things for the house (there isn’t any other place in my tiny little town). This particular day was a BAD DAY. I had been crying for most of it, and I was feeling sad and defeated. I went out just to get out of the house and headed off to the store. We are all good at masks, some of us much better than others, and when I got out of the car and entered the store I firmly settled my mask in place and smiled at everyone. It’s just what I do, I smile at people. No matter what sort of turmoil or peace my insides are in I simply smile. Even while I smiled at people, exchanged a soft hello, or nod, I was sad but there no need to show that. When I left the store someone called out to me in the parking lot. A woman, older than me by perhaps 15 years, came up to me and said one of the most astonishing things:
“I don’t know you at all; I have never seen you before. I don’t know anything about your life or what you are going through. I noticed you bought some toys but wear no ring. But the main thing I noticed was in your wake the people in there were happier. You brought joy with you, and shared it, and I think you should know that just your smile lights up a room.”
The guts that it took for her to come up to me and say that! We chatted for a little bit, I told her I was divorced and a single mother in answer to her comment and she replied “I never would have guessed, you must be so strong!” Again, I was floored. I didn’t feel strong that morning; I didn’t feel joy, or peace or any of those things I was gifting out to strangers at the Dollar Store. But as we said goodbye I realized I did feel those things. They were always there, but we are so hard on ourselves it is easier to give to others than to forgive ourselves. I wish I could find that woman again and hug her. I wish I could tell her she lifted me that day in a way no one else ever had because she wasn’t just complimenting me, she saw in me what I hid from myself. And she allowed me a glimpse of that.
We all need to look inside ourselves and see our good. All those things your friends list off when you are heartbroken because some fool left you: kind, caring, smart, independent, thoughtful, beautiful, great mother, you were too strong for him, you threatened him, he wasn’t man enough for you… here’s a little insight. Those women were saying that to you because they really think those things! Maybe the guy didn’t, and that hurts enough to overshadow most of the time the lavish praise that is heaped on you in those situations. But take note! Those women, and men, those friends, those people that have chosen to keep you in their lives just as you have chosen to keep them in yours, much longer than most relationships last; they love you for who you are. And really, that should be more than enough for the interim.
No comments:
Post a Comment