I firmly believe we suffer painful experiences in order to grow. Growth hurts, it pulls us uncomfortably in directions we have never been in before, or perhaps to a place we had been to but left because…well… it hurt too much to stay. Growth stretches our skin, leaves us feeling gangly and out of control of our bodies and our emotions. But after we sit in that pain for a bit, after we look past it and get comfortable with it, you realize it is gone, and in its place is a new, bigger, stronger version of you. It is hard to get to that point, hard to realize the pain is going to be good for you while you are in it, hard to thank God for the pain because who wants to hurt? Isn’t there an easier way? Sure there is, I think I have said it already here, but again… the outcome means more when you are both proud and relieved to get there. We have all had days where we have cried out at God for being unfair, unjust, mean and petty. We have all had days where we just think we can’t make it anymore. And then you realize you have made it another day, and another… and the farther you get away from the pain, the smaller it seems.
Like giving birth; I know it hurt. I distinctly remember screaming and thinking at the time “Wow, I didn’t know I even could scream like that.” I remember how primal that scream felt, how deep in my body it originated. But I can’t remember the pain that caused me to scream. I can remember more vivid details, but not the pain associated with them. We all have heard women say if you remembered how much it hurt you would never have more than one child. I completely agree with that! I don’t think it’s the actual pain that teaches us, it is the lessons we learn from the pain. Because there are two things I remember vividly from the whole experience… it was over and it gave me my son. What two better things to take away from the most intense pain I have ever experienced in my life: Relief and new life. Now most pain doesn’t reward you quite that blatantly, you have to look for it. I know another huge pain I suffered in college resulted in one of the best friendships and the life of a wonderful little girl. It was only because I had suffered my pain that I was able to be there for this young woman and help her. We barely knew each other but I knew, without a doubt what she should do because I had already carried that pain for her, well before I knew her. We lost touch for years, and randomly met up again and she looked me in the eyes and thanked me for her little girl. I carried the memory of my pain proudly that day, and I thanked God. I was her Maid of Honor last year, and her daughter and my son walked the aisle together.
Perhaps it won’t be that obvious, perhaps your pain will only serve you to make a different decision in a similar situation. Perhaps it will tell you to buckle up in the car. Maybe it will tell you to be nice to a stranger because it helps; even a smile is a gift to someone in pain. Perhaps you will carry your pain like a badge, a strong cancer survivor or a battered women’s leader. Some of us will take it inside us and only know that we did what we needed to do, and are better women for it because we are here, now and this was where we were always meant to be. But all of us are stronger for it; we just have to realize that. “If Christ himself was perfected through his sufferings, why would I believe God would not do the same with me? (Captivating, Eldridge)” That doesn’t mean we won’t wish it away (even Jesus asked for God to take his cup from him), that we won’t cry tears of rage, pain, grief or suffering. But we will make it anyway. And we will be stronger.
Excellent post Brianna - I am so thankful to have a friend like you. During this period in my life, I swallow your words with difficulty, but it is only for the my own pain that I am now encompassed in. I hope, one day, soon, I can re-read this blog from the "other side".
ReplyDeleteI will say that there is one other benefit to pain. That is, I personally would never consider being in a relationship with anyone who has not experienced pain. But more importantly someone who has not used their pain to become a better, more compassionate and understanding person.
ReplyDeleteI have too often seen those who have made a habit out to victimizing others, as to avoid their own pain. Two problems here; one, they are hurting others who more often than not are undeserving of this abuse, and secondly, they never learn to be compassionate, or understanding. Instead they become cold and callused.
Pain makes us vulnerable. It makes us soft. It strips away all the masks. It brings out the best in us. The trick is to find someone who has also learned to grow from there pain, so that they may give us the greatest gift we can recieve; the gift of compassion. While more and more of the world is seeking desprately to find justice, the lovers of the world are seeking compassion. While they are seeking retrobution, we are seeking forgiveness. I ask you, what would the world benefit more from? what does the world need more of; justice and retrobution, or compassion and forgiveness?
We may not be able to save the world in a day, but we can save ourselves by being, and loving only those who also chose to become more from pain, rather than less.
Thank you for that comment! I agree. You can't mold the clay until you kneed it within an inch of it's life. That hurts, but the end result, if left in loving hands, is perfect!
ReplyDelete